There are* in fact stupid questions

There are in fact stupid questions. In fact, there are several. Further fact: the majority of things a medical student might say at any given moment will likely fall into the classification of stupid question, even if in other contexts they are reasonable questions. For example "where is the bathroom?" and "How do i stop the patient from biting me?"

Statements can also be stupid questions ("But i do not know how to do a cardiac massage.") as can inquisitive looks and breathing too loudly near the surgeon.

Stupid questions are punishable by smirking, derision, public lashings, private lashings through vivid evaluation remarks ("Please express to your parents my great sympathy for their having birthed a child too stupid to know how to dose diuretics properly" "Your usefulness to the team ranks below latex gloves status post rectal exam but above small puddles of body fluids to the left of the nursing station") and being physically assaulted in the operating theater (using proper sterile precaution) with either very expensive surgical instruments or fecaliths. Please note that any damage incurred to surgical equipment will be added to the student's tuition. Also any patient specimen used as a projectile didactic tool will need to be retrieved by the student and expediently returned to the pathology lab.

In conclusion please arrive to clinic or your respective ward teams knowing everything and kindly avoid making eye contact.

Curriculum Vitae- in comic book form

The Heart of Medicine

"To practice medicine with good spirit does not mean to be in a place where there is no noise, trouble or hard work. It means to bring your calm and loving heart right into the midst of it."

http://www.theheartofmedicine.org/

A Very Beautiful Old Man

HANS KEILSON, a Jewish doctor, psychoanalyst, poet and novelist who fled Nazi Germany.

“I’m 100 years old and 8 months, and the last 8 months have been the hardest.”

A Physician Examines His Novels

Some Dreams I have, Largely in Order of Priority, From Most to Least

(1) Have a living room

(2) Get a Dog

(3) Get a really nice coffee making machine

(4) Finish medical school

(5) Get Netflix streaming {x} done

(6) Have a dish washer

(7) have a daily commute that is less than 20 min

(8) Have a garden

(9) Finish residency

(10) learn more statistics

(11) get a TV

(12) finally finish reading Proust

(13) win a Nobel Prize

Things i learned while backpacking 14 miles over steep terrain with a 40 lb pack

1. i should probably work out more
2. when faced with the decision of pooping in a hole you have to dig and not pooping for a few days of strenuous activity it is very unwise to choose not to poop
3. Bears are wily, clever, motherfucking super beasts. And scary. Cuddly. but also scary.
4. Mosquitoes do in fact bite brown people of equatorial origin who suspect themselves of having a heretofor unidentified hemoglobinopathy based on absolutely no laboratory or clinical evidence whatsoever.
5. I hate motherfucking mosquitos.
6. i would like to devote my entire scientific career to single handed crushing every mosquito on this planet
7. i would be a great humanitarian hero if i did.
8. I probably won't.
9. Sigh.
10. Hyponatremia is no joke. gatorade can bring back life.
11. deer. kind of creepy.
12. Backpacking. WTF. really? you strap 40 lb to your back and then walk over steep terrain and leave behind centuries even millenia of sacrifice and progress like buildings with walls and indoor plumbing?
13. There is profundity in the pursuit of one's own limitations and how odd it is that in the clarity of daylight and serenity we file our lives in impeccably rational filing systems (work, fun, love) arranged by elegant narrative orderings, but in those dark moments, we find the mind has in fact cross wired everything by a far murkier robust system of visceral domains: despair (the gasping desperate blind rage towards the mountain top, the ghostly 3 am of another gloomy call night pummeled by hunger for sleep), triumph ( the 360 degree view of the California Sierra mountains, the bright light and echo of civilization when stepping outside of a hospital to a noon time healthy bustling San Francisco) and transcendence (the floating away when letting drop 40 lb of either camping equipment or neurosis)
14.Nature totally kicked my ass.

How I would name the rainbow

Blood that is oxygenated Red
Beta Carotene
Jaundice Yellow
Bile Green
Botched IV Contusion blue
Blood that is deoxygenated Purple
Poop Brown
Necrotizing Fasciitis Black