Things that are Douche-y

(1) Little dogs, especially in public restaurants

(2) Women who great each other in with a lot of high pitched, exuberant cooing

(3) Awkwardly aged people who are obviously not young, quite affluent, lack an ease about both these things, and continue to front like they are as young, edgy, and hip as they may or may not have been previously.

(4) Cappuccinos

(5) Psychology (study of, practice of)

(6) Do-gooding

(7) Hippies

(8) People who read Nietzsche in public spaces, especially if they are not 19 year old university students.

(9) Young business people, especially men, who don dress pants and pale blue button up shirts, and conduct their chatter about portfolios and stocks in bohemian coffee shops amid dreadlocks and marijuana smoke.

(10) College graduates who either work or continue to hang out in coffee shops

(11) People with babies, especially if they are affluent and all their baby doodads look obscenely Well Designed.

(12) Waify hipster kids and their voluminous irony

(13) Young people who knit

(14) Apple products

Douche-y things of which i am guilty
#2, 4, 6, 8, 10, 14

Douche-y things of which I could potentially become guilty, in the future
#3, #11

Things that unambigulously command my unironic respect
(1) Old ladies

(2) Kitchen staff

(3) Hot girls reading scientific papers

(4) John McCain

(5) Professors of philosophy

(6) People with very good posture

(7) People who can do shit with their hands.