A few weekends ago, i went to a day long retreat of medical students in some nearby forest. I joked it was a hippie get away for medical types. Indeed, we arrived at an old building embedded in a bay area secluded forest, decorated with healing wheels and crystals and our facilitators were gentle and soft spoken. But the building in its regular life most often hosted retreats for those dying of cancer. And our facilitators were a palliative care physician and nurse, whose daily work was in hospice, in guiding fellow humans to their end of day, ensuring that foley catheters were functioning and that morphine was sufficient; but also that people might die with dignity in the company of those with compassion and humility in the face of the greatest abyss.
I went because i was hurting, hurting for myself, i knew that car ride through winding Hwy 1 with my classmates would be therapy i was desperately thirsty for, to salve the hurt that was mostly in my ego. I had finished my clerkship year of medical school and the year previous that had careened wildly through my master's write up. I was exhausted, overstimulated, and felt desperately inadequate. I spent the year in a fishbowl, perpetually under evaluation, and i in turn watched the patients in another embedded fishbowl, while they did godless things, like bleed, give birth, suffer, die, come to life again. An onslaught of human triumph and tragedy and very little sleep in between. I felt shattered and confused. I felt alone.
I cannot describe all the beautiful things about that day amid the quiet trees and these other people winding through their own journey. But i was salvaged indeed, and i was glad to work again. A nice exercise we did towards the end was make our own sort of Hippocratic oath, which was then sort of edited together. I found it very moving, that these future surgeons and emergency room docs and psychiatrists and general practititioners (some to be interned as soon as June) were so soulful, and i was inspired by their passion for their work. Here is are some snippets, as well as the collected oath we formed:
Personal MISSION STATEMENTS
v v v
Help me to approach every patient with patience, even if I am exhausted and overworked.
Guide me to remain sincere, sensitive, and humanistic in my practice despite how many patients with similar presentations I have seen
v v v
Help me let go of fears, prejudices and distractions, so that I can be truly present with patients
Help me apply technical skills within the context of trust and compassion
Help me make decisions that support healing of the whole patient, and not merely fixing of parts
v v v
May my work be an artistic expression
May it be a practice of grace
May it be a movement of justice
May my work be a dance towards self
May it be a reflective reading of the poetic prose of human experience
v v v
Help me to listen—to hear the story, to understand what is being asked
Help me to see—to observe carefully and unveil the truth
Give me the knowledge and patience to teach so that the people I care for can care for themselves and others
Help me to touch—to feel, to discover but also to mend and reassure
Teach me to find and share peace in the face of sickness, death and life
v v v
Help me to hear with my mind and heart
Help me to stand in power
Help me to remain compassionate, present and invested
Give me strength to know when to keep going and when to stop
v v v
Help me to care for myself as I care for others
Guide me as I develop wisdom to go along with knowledge
v v v
Help me to be courageous in walking with patients in their suffering
Help me to serve with relentless hope and compassion
Help me to be confident and authentic in who I am as a physician
Help me to be innovative in how I provide care
v v v
Hold me long enough so I know I can stay or go anytime
Keep my eyes open to that moment when patients are ready to really feel what is going on
Calm me
Remind me that I always can choose
v v v
Collective:
Guide me to remain sincere, sensitive, and humanistic in my practice despite how many patients with similar presentations I have seen
Help me let go of fears, prejudices and distractions, so that I can be truly present with patients
May it be a reflective reading of the poetic prose of human experience
Give me the knowledge and patience to teach so that the people I care for can care for themselves and others
Remember to always be present, honest, and human
Help me to hear with my mind and heart
Guide me towards balance professionally and personally
Help me to be present to each person I encounter, with humanity
Help me to be confident and authentic in who I am as a physician
Calm me.
No comments:
Post a Comment